What I want

It's been days. Whenever a car passes by the house or shop, I keep looking out. My heart is missing something really large. It feels like I am finally loose but yet HEAVY. On Friday night, I slept for 4 hours. Saturday night, it was 12 hours. back to last night? 4 hours again. Insomnia. Keep thinking about him on the bed. Rather wake up and find people to chat with... Food? I hope I am not suffering from anorexia coz I seriously feel full at every meal after consuming only half a portion of what I used to consume. I ain't doing it purposely! Believe me on that! I just don't feel like eating anymore and I feel full really quick. Not only that. Once I feel full, I just have the urge of vomitting the food out. No, once again I am not doing it on purpose! Some call it anorexia while some call it depression. Why would I be feeling this way when it isn't any of my fault? Darn! I wonder how he could sleep at ease at night... 

I keep looking out the window, hoping he would pop out of nowhere, begging me to forgive him for all his wrong, making himself look like a fool... But who am I kidding? I know him too well. He'll never change and will never do as I imagined him to. He called me ONCE at 10.13am today. As planned, I ain't gonna answer his calls. Seriously, for once I would like to see him put down his manly ego and face, as people call it "Tai Lam Yan" and "Min Ji" to beg me for forgiveness. After so, I won't forgive him blindly though... Here's my plan if we stay together...

1) talk terms and conditions with him... No limitations to me anymore.

2) he can no longer hide this and that. What's his is mine. I get to see his phone whenever I want.

3) I get to go out whenever and with whoever I want. If he could, why can't I?

4) When I don't want to let him know anything, I won't let him know. To let him know how I felt all these while.

5) I get to date others while he tries to win my heart back again. The right to choose.

6) He will get a 1 year probation. Meaning, I will not treat him as a BF anymore for that 1 year period. He will have to try to win back my heart BUT he can't go out with anyone.

I know what I want is selfish, but seriously, for a guy who has done something like this twice, I don't think I should make it easy for him. Right? If the relationship really means a lot to him, he would go way beyond against all odds right? This could finally test if I really mean so much to him.

On the positive note, I have got a few messages already concerning about my relationship status and believe me, it ain't ordinary... I am finally feeling better about myself. Not everybody is like him who is concerned with only my body figure. I guess there really is people out there who looks for the inner beauty... Finally having a market? I wouldn't say that so bravely... YET... HAHAHAHAHAA